Homesickness

Over the past week I have been feeling unusually homesick for Brazil. I say unusually because I am almost always missing some aspect of Brazil but this week seemed to be more than usual. It is always the hardest right after I have left Brazil or most recently, when my little piece of Brazil that was here visiting went home. Although that was over a month ago now and I've gotten back into my routine of school and work.

This last week or so Brazil has been on my heart and mind a lot. I think it could be due to the fact that I am in the decision making process of where I am going to live and work come fall. There is an opportunity, that I will write about later when I know more definitely what is going on, that would involve being far away from home but not in Brazil. It could be that thinking about moving somewhere new and far away has got me longing to be back in Brazil which is where my heart is.

I was chatting with my friend Alessandro online a few days ago and talking about my plans to take an LST team to Brazil this summer. I basically told him that I missed everything that is Brazilian and that I couldn't stand to wait the 3 months until my team is supposed to arrive there.

Yesterday as I was getting a ride home from FriendSpeak, I was traveling in my mind to Brazil. I was imagining what it would be like to walk into my adopted Brazilian family's house in Itu instead of walking into my house here in Regina. I could picture in my mind exactly what their front room looks like. I could almost feel the cool of the tile floor on my feet and hear the sound of their yellow leather couch beneath me. I was so involved in my imaginary trip that I could even smell the beans cooking on the stove top in the kitchen. What I wouldn't give to be in that place!! What I wouldn't give to be with those people. What a longing that exists in my heart for everything that is Brazilian!! In a recent email to Victor I wrote "I MISS BRAZIL SO MUCH!!!!!! I miss living there! I miss it being my home. I miss seeing everyone all the time. I miss hearing Portuguese all the time. I miss speaking Portuguese, however bad I was at it! I miss the heat! I miss the food. I miss my Brazilian parents. I miss my life in Brazil!!" His response to my email was a question. "Why are we never happy in the place that we live??" His question is a valid question and it made me start to think a little bit deeper than just why I'm not content with living here in Canada.

I've discovered that I tend to have little revelations as I'm getting ready for bed, especially when I'm brushing my teeth. I'm not really sure why, but this is not the first time I've come to some pretty cool realizations while polishing the pearly whites. Last night as I thought about my longing for Brazil and dissatisfaction with being here in Canada another question surfaced in my mind. Why is it that I don't feel a longing to be in Heaven with God in the same way that I long to be in Brazil with my friends?? Heaven is my goal. It is why I am a follower of Christ. It is why I attempt to walk each day in the footsteps of my saviour. This is all true and I desire to reach that goal one day but I have never experienced an ache and a longing for it like I have with Brazil. Why is that??? I thought about Second Corinthians Chapter 5 where Paul writes,

"Our bodies are like tents that we live in here on earth. But when these tents are destroyed, we know that God will give each of us a place to live. These homes will not be buildings that someone has made, but they are in heaven and will last forever. While we are here on earth, we sigh because we want to live in that heavenly home. We want to put it on like clothes and not be naked. These tents we now live in are like a heavy burden, and we groan. But we don't do this just because we want to leave these bodies that will die. It is because we want to change them for bodies that will never die. God is the one who makes all of this possible. He has given us his Spirit to make us certain that he will do it. So always be cheerful! As long as we are in these bodies, we are away from the Lord. But we live by faith, not by what we see. We should be cheerful, because we would rather leave these bodies and be at home with the Lord. But whether we are at home with the Lord or away from him, we still try our best to please him. After all, Christ will judge each of us for the good or the bad that we do while living in these bodies." 2 Corinthians 5:1-10 CEV

I also thought about what Paul wrote to the Philippians "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13b,14. Then he goes on to say, "Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Phil 3:20,21. What I read here is Paul describing the longing that I feel towards everything that is Brazilian but directing it towards heaven and the life that we will have when we are there, our new heavenly bodies in our new heavenly home.

I want to long for heaven in the way that I have been longing for Brazil. I don't think that is wrong for me to miss and long for Brazil but it makes me uncomfortable that I don't have those strong feelings about my heavenly home. Paul's statement about our citizenship being in heaven rings so true to me! I don't want to define myself as Canadian, as true as that is. I don't want to define myself as someone who wishes she were Brazilian or at least living in Brazil, as true as that may sometimes be. I want to be defined as a follow of Christ. God did not make me for this world, not for Canada, not for Brazil, and not for any other earthly country. He made me and intended me to live with Him eternally in Heaven. A country where I need no passport and I need no visa to enter. It is God's Holy Spirit dwelling inside me that makes me a citizen.

My home is in heaven and I want to feel homesick.

Lent

This year is my first year of observing Lent. To be honest I didn't even know what Lent was up until about 5 or 6 years ago. A few months ago my roommate (who does observe Lent) was asking me if I was going to do it this year. The thought had been mulling in my brain ever since. Then someone in my spiritual formations class suggested that we should all practice Lent this year. At that point I decided to start praying about how I would observe Lent, what I would sacrifice from my daily life. I have to admit that I thought more than once about not bothering with it. I decided to do some reading and figure out just what this was all about anyway. The following is a summary of what I discovered.

Lent is supposed to be a time of soul-searching and repentance, a time for reflection and taking stock. It originated as a time of preparation for Easter. The forty days of Lent are symbolic of Jesus’ withdrawal into the wilderness for forty days. Sundays are not counted as being a part of the forty days because Sunday is traditionally the day set aside for commemorating the Resurrection of Jesus and therefore fasting was considered inappropriate on Sundays. Lent begins on Ash Wednesday, the seventh Wednesday before Easter. That means that this year Lent began on February 21st and ends on April 7th, which is the day before Easter. In some countries, the last day before Lent has become the last chance to enjoy oneself before Lent begins. This is the case in Brasil where they celebrate Carnival. I'll save my comments on Carnival for another post. Today I'm writing about Lent.

I came to the conclusion that Lent fits very nicely into how I have been trying to shape my life. I long for my focus to be completely on God. Why wouldn't I choose to simplify my life for a period of forty days with the goal of focusing on my relationship with my Lord? So I knew that I wanted to do it but I still didn't know how I was going to do it. Traditionally people gave up meat. It seems that today people observe Lent in a multitude of ways. Abstaining from TV, chocolate, junk food, caffeine, the list could go on. Basically sacrificing something from your daily life in order to help you focus on Christ. After a lot of contemplation and prayer I decided that I would give up sugar during Lent. It amazed me how much I craved it as soon as Lent started. Just knowing that I wasn't supposed to have it made me want it all the more. It hasn't been even a full week yet but I am already glad that I chose to do this. I want God to have a bigger place in my life and I believe that spiritual disciplines such as the observance of Lent can help me on this journey.

Winter Makes Me Cold!!!

I like winter just as much as the next person...or maybe not. I have come to the conclusion that I was not intended for extreme weather and therefore I was not intended for Saskatchewan! I don't like -30 and I don't like +30. I am all about happy mediums!

I would have to say that one of my biggest dislikes about winter is the endless shoveling of sidewalks! The apartment that I live in this year is the worst! First of all because it is an apartment. Technically our landlords should take care of it. I've gotten past the fact that they haven't and will not shovel my walk and also that no one else who lives in this building will either, except maybe my roommate and myself. The worst part of it all is that our front yard has nothing to block the wind at all. So even if it hasn't snowed, just a little bit of wind and you wouldn't even know that you had shoveled the day before. My front yard is just one huge snowdrift! Joyce and I have been avoiding shoveling recently, so pretty much we have been trudging through a new snowdrift every morning, and every evening. For weeks now I have been thinking that I really ought to shovel and then I just never do. Either it's too cold or I have too many other things to do. Anyway, today was the day to get it done. My sister Michelle is here for the weekend and I asked her if she wanted to help. A few moments passed before she answered with a week "not really." Just what I thought, me neither actually!!! After I had been out there for a few minutes she did come out and help which made it not only go faster but made it a lot more fun! Because it had been weeks since a shovel had even seen our front walk there was a good 5cm and in some places 10cm of hard, packed down snow. It may not be the longest sidewalk in the world but that sucker took Michelle and I an hour to clear. I took before and after pictures and I'm pretty excited by the fact that I now have a clean sidewalk!

Slowly Learning the Ins and Outs of Blogging

OK, I'm just a tad bit excited that I finally figured out how to create a link in my post. I may be a slow learner but I am a learner none-the-less! Now my next feat will be to learn how to post videos...don't hold your breath I don't have a lot of free time to play with this thing.

Let's Start Talking

Every time I sit down and try to catch up on reading people's blogs, I find more blogs of people I know. This whole blogging thing has become an epidemic! Just kidding, I love it. What a great way to stalk those special people in your lives...Just kidding again. In all seriousness, blogs are a great way to keep up to date on peoples lives and read some very deep insights on all sorts of topics. It's also a great way to share what's going on in my own life and any deep insights I might have.

Right now the most exciting thing going on in my life is that I am training a Let's Start Talking (LST) team. This is the first time that I have ever trained a team. My first experience with LST was a six week project in Kiev, Ukraine in the summer of 2000. My second LST experience was a six week project in Tallinn, Estonia in the summer of 2001. I have a lot of good memories from both of those projects! God did a lot of forming in my life through those two experiences. He introduced me to the world outside of the little Saskatchewan bubble that I had grown up in. He created an awareness and a love inside of me for all of the people in this world who do not know Him. He kindled a desire in me to go and share His love with those people! God has used the LST ministry to change my life. It was through LST that I ended up living in Itu, Brazil and working with the Igreja de Cristo there. Last summer when I went back to work with the congregation I got to play host to an LST team. And this year I am training a team to go back with me. I think that God has called me to help other young people to have the same eye-opening, faith-building, and life-changing experiences that he blessed me with.

Right now I would ask you all to pray for me as I work to train my team. This is a first for me and I feel inadequate for the task. Pray that God would empower me with His Holy Spirit so that he would be glorified. Pray for my team as we come together. Recruiting was a difficult task and I believe that God is still bringing people to join this team. Pray for us as we petition people to join with us financially in this work. Pray for the people that we will meet this summer, pray that God would prepare their hearts to hear His message. Pray for the congregation in Itu and pray for that there will be bonds of friendship built between our readers and the Christian family there. Pray that God would be glorified by all that we do.