Homesickness

Over the past week I have been feeling unusually homesick for Brazil. I say unusually because I am almost always missing some aspect of Brazil but this week seemed to be more than usual. It is always the hardest right after I have left Brazil or most recently, when my little piece of Brazil that was here visiting went home. Although that was over a month ago now and I've gotten back into my routine of school and work.

This last week or so Brazil has been on my heart and mind a lot. I think it could be due to the fact that I am in the decision making process of where I am going to live and work come fall. There is an opportunity, that I will write about later when I know more definitely what is going on, that would involve being far away from home but not in Brazil. It could be that thinking about moving somewhere new and far away has got me longing to be back in Brazil which is where my heart is.

I was chatting with my friend Alessandro online a few days ago and talking about my plans to take an LST team to Brazil this summer. I basically told him that I missed everything that is Brazilian and that I couldn't stand to wait the 3 months until my team is supposed to arrive there.

Yesterday as I was getting a ride home from FriendSpeak, I was traveling in my mind to Brazil. I was imagining what it would be like to walk into my adopted Brazilian family's house in Itu instead of walking into my house here in Regina. I could picture in my mind exactly what their front room looks like. I could almost feel the cool of the tile floor on my feet and hear the sound of their yellow leather couch beneath me. I was so involved in my imaginary trip that I could even smell the beans cooking on the stove top in the kitchen. What I wouldn't give to be in that place!! What I wouldn't give to be with those people. What a longing that exists in my heart for everything that is Brazilian!! In a recent email to Victor I wrote "I MISS BRAZIL SO MUCH!!!!!! I miss living there! I miss it being my home. I miss seeing everyone all the time. I miss hearing Portuguese all the time. I miss speaking Portuguese, however bad I was at it! I miss the heat! I miss the food. I miss my Brazilian parents. I miss my life in Brazil!!" His response to my email was a question. "Why are we never happy in the place that we live??" His question is a valid question and it made me start to think a little bit deeper than just why I'm not content with living here in Canada.

I've discovered that I tend to have little revelations as I'm getting ready for bed, especially when I'm brushing my teeth. I'm not really sure why, but this is not the first time I've come to some pretty cool realizations while polishing the pearly whites. Last night as I thought about my longing for Brazil and dissatisfaction with being here in Canada another question surfaced in my mind. Why is it that I don't feel a longing to be in Heaven with God in the same way that I long to be in Brazil with my friends?? Heaven is my goal. It is why I am a follower of Christ. It is why I attempt to walk each day in the footsteps of my saviour. This is all true and I desire to reach that goal one day but I have never experienced an ache and a longing for it like I have with Brazil. Why is that??? I thought about Second Corinthians Chapter 5 where Paul writes,

"Our bodies are like tents that we live in here on earth. But when these tents are destroyed, we know that God will give each of us a place to live. These homes will not be buildings that someone has made, but they are in heaven and will last forever. While we are here on earth, we sigh because we want to live in that heavenly home. We want to put it on like clothes and not be naked. These tents we now live in are like a heavy burden, and we groan. But we don't do this just because we want to leave these bodies that will die. It is because we want to change them for bodies that will never die. God is the one who makes all of this possible. He has given us his Spirit to make us certain that he will do it. So always be cheerful! As long as we are in these bodies, we are away from the Lord. But we live by faith, not by what we see. We should be cheerful, because we would rather leave these bodies and be at home with the Lord. But whether we are at home with the Lord or away from him, we still try our best to please him. After all, Christ will judge each of us for the good or the bad that we do while living in these bodies." 2 Corinthians 5:1-10 CEV

I also thought about what Paul wrote to the Philippians "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13b,14. Then he goes on to say, "Our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." Phil 3:20,21. What I read here is Paul describing the longing that I feel towards everything that is Brazilian but directing it towards heaven and the life that we will have when we are there, our new heavenly bodies in our new heavenly home.

I want to long for heaven in the way that I have been longing for Brazil. I don't think that is wrong for me to miss and long for Brazil but it makes me uncomfortable that I don't have those strong feelings about my heavenly home. Paul's statement about our citizenship being in heaven rings so true to me! I don't want to define myself as Canadian, as true as that is. I don't want to define myself as someone who wishes she were Brazilian or at least living in Brazil, as true as that may sometimes be. I want to be defined as a follow of Christ. God did not make me for this world, not for Canada, not for Brazil, and not for any other earthly country. He made me and intended me to live with Him eternally in Heaven. A country where I need no passport and I need no visa to enter. It is God's Holy Spirit dwelling inside me that makes me a citizen.

My home is in heaven and I want to feel homesick.