My life feels so empty right now. For the last month I have had my little Brazilian brother here to annoy me, make me laugh, make me cry, make me think, to play with, to fight with, to have an amazing amount of fun with! Now he is gone and it is incredibly sad!
We drove to Saskatoon on Friday evening. I think that drive is my favorite memory of his entire stay. We had a great conversation about life, both his and mine. Victor has taught me a lot of different things since I met him three and a half years ago. A few things stick out in my mind, the first being Portuguese. He has helped me so much with my struggle with that crazy language. He has also taught me a lot about myself. Sometimes I don't like to hear the advice that he tries to give me, but sometimes it is really powerful advice and very meaningful to me. I admire Vitinho's love for God and his desire to see His church healthy and strong. I realized that I am blessed to be studying in the environment that I am. Western is a wonderful Christian community that I am blessed with. Victor doesn't have that kind of community where he studies. It is quite the opposite actually and I am very proud of his strength in not succumbing to the peer pressure that he experiences there. Victor is a light for the Lord in his college and I am so proud of my little brother!!!!!
When we got to Saskatoon we stopped by my mom's work so that Victor could say good-bye. There's a picture of the two of them but I need to wait for Vitinho to e-mail it to me. It made me want to cry to see them saying good-bye. I am so thankful that Victor was able to meet my family and see my world here in Canada. I really hope that one day I will be able to take my mom with me to Brazil so that she can meet my Brazilian family and see my Brazilian world!
Once we got to the farm we spent some time visiting with my dad and brother. I think it was around 11:30, 12:00 when Victor started to get organized to pack. He seemed to think that he would just pack in the morning but I put my foot down, not wanting to deal with that kind of last minute stress. I think that in the end he was thankful that he packed Friday night because it took him waaaay longer than he had thought it would. I must admit I wasn't much help when it came to packing as I pretty much laid down on the bed and slept as he packed and repacked everything trying to get it all to fit. Oh how I hate packing, especially for international trips! There's always too much stuff and not enough room or weight allowance!
Morning came way too soon for my liking! I hadn't been getting enough sleep during the entire time he was here and it has been showing recently. I easily could have slept in on Saturday morning but it wasn't to be. There were a few last minute things to be done like visiting my dad's train store which Vitinho still had not seen and one last tromp through the snow. Last Wednesday's Blizzard that hit Saskatoon was helpful for this as there was plenty of large snowbanks for Vitinho to choose from. He waded his way through the one behind the house and unfortunately I am also waiting for those pictures to be emailed as well. He also left a lovely snow angel in front of the house. I admit I am impressed at how well my little Brazilian brother withstood the deep freeze that we call Canada. My face was frozen by the time I went back in and he had a look of complete delight as he fell back into the snow drift and explained in Portuguese "How Delicious!"
After loading the carefully packed luggage into the car we were off! A quick stop at Tony Roma's for lunch has made it the official "traditional feeding hole before taking people to the airport" as it was the same thing Victor, Salena and I ate before taking Salena to the airport.
I have realized that it is an extremely BAD idea to take someone to the airport by yourself because it is completely too depressing to leave by yourself afterwards. Victor and I shared some tearful good-byes before he finally went through the security check-point and off into no-man's land. I am undecided about my opinion of the Saskatoon airport's glass wall. In one way it's nice to be able to see your loved one while they wait to board their flight but in another way it simply drags out your good-bye in an even more painful way as you can look at them but can't speak to them or hug them one last time which I had such an awful desire to do. At the same time I couldn't just get up and leave either. It felt completely wrong, I mean he was the one leaving Canada so I couldn't be the one to leave first...or at least that's how it felt. So there I sat watching him for a good half an hour before he actually boarded his plane. How frustrating!!! I also know what it's like to be on the other side of the glass saying good-bye, also not so much fun!
As I walked back to the car I felt sick. No more Victor in the seat next to me...instead just an empty winter coat and a pair of mittens. The worst was probably getting back to the farm and seeing his little footprints in the snow but knowing that he wasn't there to make and more. His snow angel, a harsh reminder of his absence. Victor was here for a month but now that he's gone home he has left a huge void in my life and heart. It sounds as if I am talking about a death. Victor is definitely not dead but my heart feels like it is in mourning.
It seemed easier coming home to my apartment yesterday. Maybe because we spent less time here in Regina than in Saskatoon. Then when I talked to him on the phone it got worse. Maybe more so last night when I talked to him on MSN. I am thankful for the Christian community that I am a part of here at the school. The one problem, which really isn't a problem when I think about it, is that people can see when you are sad. I ended up crying 4 different times this morning at school. I held it together during class but 2 different people stopped me before chapel and had me shedding tears. Then after chapel 2 more times. I don't like to show emotion in public but since coming back from Brazil a year and a half ago I really seem to wear my heart on my sleeve. I haven't decided if that is a good thing or not yet.
Ok, this has been a long post with no pictures. Hopefully Vitinho will send me the pictures from his last few days soon so i can add them here. And eventually I am going to write about the adventures that I shared with my little Brazilian brother over the holidays and I'll post pictures along the way. If you think of it, say a prayer for me as I get back into the grind of school and get used to not having Vitinho here with me. And pray for him as he adjusts to being back home in the land of heat and humidity.
1 comment:
Hey Sis,
I totally understand what you mean about having somebody with you when you see a person off at the airport. I am so thankfull that I had Cass and Darren with me when I took Andy. I wish that I could have been there for you. *HUGS* I love you and I'm praying for you.
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